Letters to an Asexual #4 (“Call yourself straight! That’s the default!”)

This is #4 of a series in which I read correspondence between me and people who have questions, comments, or–more often–misconceptions about asexuality. I don’t have a set number of these I’m going to do, and I imagine I’ll continue to get material for them as life goes on, but I currently have quite a backlog, so you can expect material to last for some time at least.

#4 is an OKCupid correspondence with a man who believes he possesses the magical ability to diagnose me as heterosexual–not asexual–by watching my videos. Because, after all, heterosexuality is the DEFAULT, and without bisexual or homosexual tendencies, I’m just automatically heterosexual until proven gay. Me, I would think it would make more sense that a person was a blank slate until or unless they displayed active interest in one sex or the other or both. His credo appears to be “I’ve never heard of asexuality, therefore you couldn’t possibly be asexual.”

This conversation, with some explanation and commentary, was posted a while back to a LiveJournal group for asexuals and their allies. Loads of hilarious comments poured in, and I encourage you to read the post and read or submit comments on it (even though it’s old) right here:


I was planning on sharing some of these with you during the video, but I’m only allowed to make videos less than ten minutes, so I cut those out when the video ran long. If you want to see the full transcript and comments, you’ll have to follow the link. Thanks!