Category: “Fix”

Letters to an Asexual #47 (Religion and Asexuality)

This is #47 of a series in which I read correspondence between me and people who have questions, comments, or–more often–misconceptions about asexuality.

This video is about perspectives on asexuality within different religions. I share some other asexual people’s experiences and thoughts in a religious context.

Some religious quotes I mentioned:

“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (NIV: 1 Corinthians 7:8-9).

On why Paul, who remained celibate, recommends marriage for those who desire sex: “I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” (NIV: 1 Corinthians 7:6-7).

“[I]f one’s healthful condition, integrity of heart, and peace of soul reside in celibacy then that is better for him, since these are things that are desired of marriage. If one can reach these without marriage then celibacy causes no harm.” (The Sustenance of the Hearts (Qut al-qulub) —Abu Talib al-Makki)

“Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” (Bereshit 1:28)

“Every man is obligated to marry a woman in order to reproduce. Anyone who is not having children is as if they were killers.” (Shulhan Arukh, Even Ha’Ezer 1:1)

TRIGGER WARNINGS:
Aphobia
Discussion sexual actions
Mention of PTSD and trauma
Mention of anxiety
Mention of rape

TRIGGER WARNINGS:
Aphobia
Death threats
Sexual assault

TRIGGER WARNINGS:
Aphobia
Emotional manipulation
Non-consensual touching, specifically through emotional manipulation

TRIGGER WARNINGS:
Acephobia/Aphobia
Invalidation
Rape threats
Misogynistic language
Mention of sex

This is my Story of Acephobia. I’m sharing it in the hope that more people will see that acephobia is, in fact, very real💜

TRIGGER WARNINGS:
Acephobia/Aphobia
Invalidation
Sexual assault
Rape threats

Reading My Asexual Hate Comments (Aphobia/Acephobia)

Check out the Sky News documentary to see the comments for yourself (there were many more than what I said here, some which are worse):

+ Facebook Comments: https://www.facebook.com/skynews/vide…
+ YouTube Comments: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzLrB…

SOCIAL MEDIA
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+ Twitter: @theyasminbenoit
+ Facebook: Yasmin Benoit – Model
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Why We Need Mental Healthcare Without Asexual Erasure – And How to Get There

Excerpts:

«The first person I told was my therapist. Big mistake.

She immediately responded by telling me that my asexuality would go away as I got older (I was 18 at the time). She also said that she thought that my lack of interest in sex was probably “just a symptom” of my depression.

I argued and told her I didn’t think it would go away. It was true that I’d been experiencing depression since long before puberty started, but it just didn’t feel like a symptom to me – it felt like an identity.»

«One partner thought he could make me sexual, so he pressured sex when I didn’t want it, and I gave in because I grew up in a world where sex is considered an obligation in relationships.

It wasn’t until I felt validated and assured in my identity that I gained the ability to talk about my sexuality safely and openly, making my relationships healthier because I was able to communicate more honestly and (assuming a respectful partner) ensure my needs were respected. 

If my therapist had actually supported me instead of denying my own self-wisdom and understanding, I might have gained those tools much earlier in life.»


Read the whole article here.

Va-Va-Bullshit: How Latina ‘Spicy & Sexy’ Stereotypes Affect Asexual Latinas

Excerpts:

«Unsolicited advice from family members who “just don’t get asexuality” is a common occurrence, with Latinas recalling numerous times when they were told they “just haven’t found the right guy,” are immature or are in denial. But ideas about Latina bodies and sexuality also come from outside the family and beyond the Latino community. Greater society, perceiving Latinas as innately hypersexual, remark that asexual Latinas should “stop playing hard to get” and “take the stick out of their butt.” The underlying message in these comments, according to Foster, are always the same: You cannot possibly be anything other than what I say you are, and because I see you, Latina, as a sexual object, I have access to your body in a way that supersedes your autonomy and your right to your own body.»

«But characterizations of Latinas as inherently hypersexual and possessing contemptibly high fertility rates additionally produce another, more insidious form of harm; these myths make it impossible for asexual Latinas to exist in the country’s psyche, obliterating Latinas’ experiences from dominant discourses on asexuality and creating an unnecessary tension for asexual Latinas. Queenie, for instance, has been accused of abandoning her culture and trying to be white because, as a Latina, an identity embedded with notions of sexuality and motherhood, it’s thought that she can’t possibly be really asexual.»


Read the whole article here.

Things Asexual Girls DON’T Want to Hear

Is there anything you’re sick of hearing? Let me know in the comments! And feel free to follow me at:

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