Category: Sexual assault & rape threats & wishes

Translation (via Google translate):

Alice created a poll on Jan 22 at 5:46 pm

Would you ever have an association or relationship with an asexual person (who never, ever wants to have sex)?

Claudio: No because he is a selfish person

Daniele: But not even dead.
It would be a loss for her ass of apocalyptic proportions on her part.

Luigi: Obviously not. How do you stay with a person with psychiatric disorders. What questions do you ask

Mary: She must be raped

Andrea: No because she would be disturbed and should be treated


Maurizio: the real challenge is to make her change her mind: v


Asexual Bingo

Sometimes silly, sometimes serious, and always with lots of bad language and inappropriate graphics, here is a capsule view of the kinds of comments I get on my YouTube videos and through other channels regarding asexuality. And keeping track of how much fail I encountered was made easier with the handy-dandy Asexual Bingo card. (Believe me, I’ve heard EVERYTHING on it, but I had to cut a lot of stuff even to make this video.) If nothing else, this should give you an idea of how often certain sentiments are expressed and why these people’s knee-jerk condescending comments are not helping anyone and certainly aren’t doing much but making them look like their anger and frustration toward me for not wanting to have sex is way out of proportion for what people should be expressing about some stranger’s sex life.

The opening song is “Isabella” by the Mediæval Bæbes. And yes, I am really the age I say I am in the video. And thank you, yes my hair is pretty awesome.

TRIGGER WARNINGS:
Acephobia/Aphobia
Invalidation
Rape threats
Misogynistic language
Mention of sex

Asexual oppression and all that

 

Excerpt:

«“Oh yeah, asexuals are just invisible, we don’t experience real oppression/legalised discrimination/violent oppression/other things go here as well.”

Usually used contrasting us to other queer groups, in order to explain why we’re so much better off than they are.

Let’s take this apart.

First of all, invisibility is a form of oppression. We’re all clear on that, yes? This isn’t exactly a new idea. It’s not a new idea to sexual queer folk either. In a comment on this post about anti-asexual attitudes by Stephanie Silberstein, Sciatrix writes:

Well, on the other hand–isn’t constant and (to a degree) enforced invisibility a form of oppression all on its own? Oppression doesn’t have to be violent or about legal discrimination to count. Or, well, if it does, I see plenty of other complaints about Glee in particular and media in general that are suddenly invalid: desexualized and perpetually single queer characters in contrast to straight characters who get to have romantic relationships; unequal time put on relationships of queer and straight characters, stereotyping of queer people in media, Magical Gays, bisexual erasure, and so forth. If all oppression has to come down to violent or legalized discrimination… well, we’ve just drastically restricted the breadth of what it means to be an oppressed group under a privileged hegemony.



There does not exist a quota of “you must have this high a risk of experiencing violence due to your orientation” before you’re allowed to say you’re oppressed, mmkay?»


Read the whole article here.

Letters to an Asexual #15 (Asexual Prejudice & Discrimination)

This is #15 of a series in which I read correspondence between me and people who have questions, comments, or–more often–misconceptions about asexuality.

This one covers a question we sometimes get from a vocal minority in the queer community claiming asexual people absolutely do not have problems worth discussing because the very worst thing we ever experience is “hurt feelings” over people not acknowledging our orientation.

Here are the citations and links for everything mentioned in the video.

Siggy’s Breakdown of asexual queerness (orientation and gender identity):
http://skepticsplay.blogspot.com/2010…

My appearance at Creating Change (where I was invited to discuss asexuality at an LGBT conference):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3VnHa…

My interview in the Gay Voices section of the Huffington Post:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06…

The numbered list backups:

1. JOB AND HOUSING DENIAL:

* The study documenting asexual discrimination: “Intergroup Bias toward ‘Group X’: Evidence of prejudice, dehumanization, avoidance, and discrimination against asexuals”
http://gpi.sagepub.com/content/15/6/725

* An anecdotal account of possibly being fired for asexuality:
http://thecupcakeace.wordpress.com/20…

* A follow-up to this story by the same person:
http://thecupcakeace.wordpress.com/20…

2. ADOPTION DENIAL:

* Discussed in Olivier Cormier-Otaño’s lecture, wherein he mentioned asexual couples getting denied adoption because “If you’re asexual, you’re not fit to be married.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-cI61…

3. CONSUMMATION LAWS:

* These may change, but as of the creation of this video, the states requiring consummation for a marriage to be legal are here:
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Which_state…

* For laws regarding consummation as it refers to a couple that includes one immigrant, please see this document:
http://www.state.gov/documents/organi…

4. ANTI-DISCRIMINATION LAW:

* In New York, SONDA, the Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act, mentions asexuality as one of the sexual orientations that cannot be discriminated against legally.
http://www.ag.ny.gov/civil-rights/son…

* In Vermont, asexuality is included in a “protected category” list under “sexual orientation”:
http://hrc.vermont.gov/

* The proposed legislation in Texas that names asexuality as a protected class is reported on in a news article here:
http://news.yahoo.com/could-texas-cit…

* The law paper by Elizabeth Emens, accepted by Standford Law Review, which thoroughly examines how asexual people live in a prejudicial environment and how that works out legally, is entitled “Compulsory Sexuality.”
http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cf…

5. “CORRECTIVE” RAPE:

* Huffington Post discussed “corrective” rape and how it’s hurting the asexual community here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06…

Here is a Tumblr thread where another user and I discuss rape threats:
http://swankivy.tumblr.com/post/50603…

* You can see some of the rape threats I have received here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncoHJo…

* And you can read about my experience with a man forcing himself on me after I told him I wasn’t interested here:
http://juliesondradecker.blogspot.jp/…

6. POOR REPRESENTATION IN MEDIA:

* Godiva’s is a Canadian show that is canceled. It featured an asexual heteroromantic man, Martin. He was “fixed” with testosterone supplements.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godiva%27s

* Huge is an American show that is canceled. It had an asexual aromantic woman, Poppy, in a minor role. She mentioned her asexuality once during a discussion with a fellow camp counselor and it was never mentioned again.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huge_%28…

* Shortland Street is a New Zealand show that is still going on as of this writing. It featured an asexual biromantic man, Gerald. His asexuality is examined deeply throughout the series.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shortlan…

Episodes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgju7Q…

The bad House episode is called “Better Half”:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Better_H…

7. MISDIAGNOSIS WITH A MENTAL DISORDER:

* DSM definition of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder:
http://www.behavenet.com/node/21614

8. DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE:

* The Trevor Project: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

* Materials created by AAW for the Trevor Project’s volunteers:
http://asexualawarenessweek.com/trevo…

National LGBT Survey

Excerpts:

Read the whole survey here.

Battling Asexual Discrimination, Sexual Violence And ‘Corrective’ Rape

Excerpts:

« Sexual harassment and violence, including so-called “corrective” rape, is disturbingly common in the ace community, says Decker, who has received death threats and has been told by several online commenters that she just needs a “good raping.”

“When people hear that you’re asexual, some take that as a challenge,” said Decker, who is currently working on a book about asexuality. “We are perceived as not being fully human because sexual attraction and sexual relationships are seen as something alive, healthy people do. They think that you really want sex but just don’t know it yet. For people who perform corrective rape, they believe that they’re just waking us up and that we’ll thank them for it later.”»

«In response to the post, an anonymous user wrote, “[A]sexuality is not a thing. You are just ugly and no one wanted to date you, so you made up a thing to cuddle your lonely self as you cry into your pillow. Also, I hope you get raped. It has a dual benefit, you’ll get laid finally AND put you into your place as well.”»

«Last year, the apparent bias against aces was corroborated by a landmark study conducted by Brock University researchers Gordon Hodson and Cara McInnis. The study found that people of all sexual stripes are more likely to discriminate against asexuals, compared to other sexual minorities.»


Read the whole article here.