Ein Ass im Bett
Translation: An ace in bed
The following comments were made on an article about asexuality.
You can read the whole article here.
Points of view
Dear Alex, what you’re describing here, labeled as a type of sexual orientation (In your case the non-existence of one, respectively) is nothing more than an inherent low sex drive. I’m making that diagnosis without being a medical doctor or a psychologist, but from my own experience.
As a man, I’m familiar with phases of completely overheated horniness, where every street is overflowing with the hottest and most desirable women, and other times of total disinterest where you ask yourself how a man could ever find attractive about these short-legged, fat-assed creatures.
Good luck for your life! Maybe you’re interested and talented in spirituality and then asexuality is almost a blessing…
Asexuality from the perspective of a sexual partner
I see it similarly. Being in a relationship without sex is hard for the sexual part. It doesn’t matter whether asexuality, depression or medication have caused the other one’s loss of libido. You’re regularly (as a woman at least every 4 weeks) confronted with the task to deal with your lust on your own because the object of desire isn’t interested in it. You quickly feel left alone with the problem. Compliments, kind words or maybe snuggling in front of the TV simply aren’t the same. Even if it’s meant well, being in bed with a listless partner who shows no initiative, is not fun either.
So if there can never be any sexual contact due to asexuality for example, an important part of the relationship is disturbed and strained. To compensate, it would have to be a nearly perfect match in all other areas. In general, I find it difficult to imagine a purely asexual relationship. What distinguishes that from a close, trusting friendship that goes through all ups and downs? That you don’t ask for exclusivity in others? I know friends who live together and even help each other with financial problems. I, personally can even feel secure with a good friend who will help me when things are crappy. The mentioned butterflies in the stomach, to me, are just a sign of being infatuated and not of love.
the perfect relationship
Fortunately, today there are tree partnerships for vegetarians
and not just gray ones, but also in voluptuous green shades
add a little oxytocine and every fir branch provides unforgettable, transcending excesses for each icicle.
Sex doesn’t equal sex
What a cute and funny article! I wholeheartedly wish you that you’ll find all the romance that you want. However, I do have one piece of advice (you can’t know this): For sexual people, it’s actually also “making love” (connection, hormones, perspiring closeness etc.) and when you’re in love, but can’t physically indulge yourself in this intense way, something’s simply missing. Therefore, having sex with people whom you don’t love, wouldn’t be a substitute. But thank God, there is the internet for dating. I wish you good luck!
A little too much fuss
I assume that there are many asexuals.
You can imagine that with some adipose couples, the physical deficiencies make the exchange of bodily fluids unlikely. There, the romantic candlelight dinner ought to be a higher priority than the attempt at a mutual workout.
One thing that the article doesn’t seem to state is to what extent does physicality matter at all and what does he hope to gain from such a relationship.
Not the first time
It isn’t the first time that I’ve read such an article online about this topic. I’m interested in this topic, though I’m not afflicted by it myself. One thing I always find remarkable, and that’s that in all these articles, the afflicted never write whether they’ve had a complete checkup? I mean, hormonal etc. and all the way up to their psyche? I always get the feeling that at some point in life, they’ve resigned to this and that’s just how it is. Under normal, natural conditions, the phenomenon asexuality wouldn’t spread, as, strictly speaking, reproduction shouldn’t be happening, that would pass on these genes. It would just occasionally appear as a genetic defect. How much influence our hormones have, regarding our behavior, cannot be emphasized enough. If certain hormones are missing or the opposite, it can lead to extreme conditions like for example the complete loss of smell or other things. My thesis is that a majority of asexual people aren’t merely asexual but that actually a different physical cause is deluding them to believe in this condition, as this condition isn’t of biological value in regard to the conservation of species.
Those who want to live without sex, have never had good sex.
That’s a pity, but at some point, it can’t be changed or only with difficulty. In the end, this applies: Live and let live. If asexuality happens willingly, society has to tolerate it. On the other hand, asexuals should also tolerate the sexual nuances of other people. THAT’s how simple life can be.
Whether asexuality is genetically predetermined,…
…or acquired through fate or nurture, that’s the question.
In the past, people tried to rid young people of their sexuality (e.g. masturbation) via conveyed feelings of guilt. Today this happens in a similar way, but with people who aren’t interested in sexuality much, whom differ from the “norm” and could be “healed”.
The past’s compulsory uptightness has simply been replaced by today’s compulsory uptightness. Both have compulsion, societal pressure in common that can lead to mental impotence or frigidity.
That is the sad result of the “sexual revolution so that today some “sexual deviants” feel compelled to explain themselves.
I don’t know if it will reassure the article’s author, but he isn’t anything special with his problems, because people whom are interested in sex and sexually active can struggle to find the right partner, too. Because an open and and more or less taboo-free person won’t become comfortable with an uptight person. The problem is how to find out as soon as possible with a potential partner. Because quite often, things aren’t as they look at first glance.
It still should be clarified whether asexuality may really be disguised uptightness, impotence or frigidity. And thus, the inability to signal the (potential) partner their true desires.
I feel bad for you!
I don’t mean this ironically. I honestly pity you, like I pity a deaf person whom will never experience the beauty of Calla’s voice or the melancholy of a Nocturne by Chopin, or a blind person whom can never watch a ballet or a sunset. The only consolation for you and other asexuals is that you don’t know what you’re missing.
If you call an orgasm meager and its foreplay boring, it could have been with the wrong partner, which you probably rule out on principle. It would be interesting to learn whether this sexual disorder affects more men or women?
An orgasm and the mutual game of giving and enjoyment to the orgasm, is one of the most beautiful and intensive things that you can experience in a human relationship. It’s like a pas de deux at dancing that improves the more intensive and the more intimate both dancers can give themselves to each other and become one in the dance. It depends on the partner’s skill to emotionally and physically empathize with the other person. That requires trust.
Maybe you lack this skill of physical interpersonal communication? What a pity for you!
[Comment by the editor about the use of autism as a metaphor and speculations on people’s thoughts and feelings, which they have removed both.]
“Ich bin asexuell”: Was das wirklich bedeutet – und was nicht
Translation: “I am asexual”: What that really means – and what not
The following comments were made on an article about asexuality.
You can read the whole article here.
Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s right and good to have places to go to if it’s obvious that your own sexuality isn’t “common”, thus, as developed as in others. Especially during adolescence, you compare and are uncertain and have to find your way. I just don’t understand the motivation to have to come out. If you have a romantic homosexual relationship, you’ll be (hopefully not) discriminated against by homophobes at the most, but it doesn’t matter to the public AT ALL if and how you have sex. That’s only important for yourself.
The coming out and wanting to educate, in my opinion is exhibitionistic. Look at me, I’m different, acknowledge me. That is the message. But most people couldn’t care less if, how and how often you have sex and how you experience it.
“We are absolutely a sexual minority, because sexuality doesn’t mean that you have sex.”
sexuality means at least that you have a sexual (that is: carnal) interest. That’s why it’s called SEXuality, not attractionality.
asexuality is the lack of sexuality and sexual interest. That’s why it’s not a sexual orientation. or simply put: bald is not a hair style.
hairstyle is a construct of hair and not possible without hair.
if you don’t find it fitting for yourself, you should not use the term asexual for yourself.
or do you have a compelling reason wanting to be a “sexual” minority?
“When people ask me today … how I personally experience sex”
Weird, no one asks me that. No one cares. I wouldn’t give out that kind of info either, because I don’t feel the tiniest need to make intimate matters “visible”.
That asexuals take part in the CSD, seems bizarre to me. It’s like a bald person attending a hairstyle competition. No sexuality isn’t a “different” sexuality, but simply none.
Hm… I have trouble understanding your need to come out. As Sany has already said, who even asks something like that? And why is it relevant? In my group of acquaintances, we never ask how often and how much sex someone has and what types (alone, as a twosome or with multiple people) you practice. Or whether someone doesn’t have any interest in sex. I have several coworkers who have been single for apparently forever. But I would never ask them if they are asexual. I wouldn’t know anything about those kind of discussions either.
With homosexual acquaintances, it’s a different level. If you want to live free and open, you’ll also want to show your partner, your way of living. Or one coworker who came out as a woman last year. There it’s more about the societal aspect of acceptance. Whether my acquaintances actually have real sex or whether they just snuggle “romantically”, is none of my business. I find it a little blatant.
At some point I’m overwhelmed by all these sexual preferences that you have to come out as. Asexual, aromantic, biromantic but asexual, alone, with multiple people, with different utensils, only in a certain surrounding, … Please don’t misunderstand me. But I agree with Corra. When someone comes out as their sexual orientation, so that he doesn’t have to hide with everything that’s socially a part of a relationship, then that’s right and important for his life. But I don’t want to know what everyone is doing in bed, if you e.g. only experience lust on your own or live in an asexual relationship with a partner. That’s something I’d tell one very good friend at the most. But not in a booth in a pedestrian area. In comparison: I know a coworker’s long-term partner. No big deal. But we don’t tell each other what we each experience in bed. So much for the social relevance of an orientation. ???
I’ve had a good laugh when I continued to read this thread and found a sexual minority in the nonsexual one.
What is that supposed to be? If I don’t drive a car or don’t watch TV, I’d say I won’t care about these topics.
If I don’t care about sex, what am I doing at a demonstration that plays with the manifestation of lived sexuality, if I don’t have anything to play an am not interested in it?
Things are starting to get crazy!