Acephobia & Anti-asexual hate crime
«What is anti-asexual hate crime?
Any offence should be treated as an anti-asexual hate crime if the person who experienced it or anyone else feels it was an expression of acephobia. Anti-asexual hate crime can include verbal abuse and violence from neighbours or strangers. Because people’s asexual identity is not always visible to strangers, anti-asexual abuse can often be concentrated in settings where the targeted person and perpetrator know each other. That can include verbal abuse or unwanted sexual touching from acquaintances and anti-asexual domestic abuse from family or partners. This also includes actual and threats of so-called “corrective” rape, to “fix” the person’s orientation.
These crimes are less easy to recognise but it is equally important to record and address them in a manner that addresses their motivation of hostility. To qualify to be recorded as a hate incident, a report needn’t include anti-asexual language. It is enough for a reporting person to perceive that it was motivated by acephobia.»
Read the whole article here.
Ein Ass im Bett
Translation: An ace in bed
The following comments were made on an article about asexuality.
You can read the whole article here.
Points of view
Dear Alex, what you’re describing here, labeled as a type of sexual orientation (In your case the non-existence of one, respectively) is nothing more than an inherent low sex drive. I’m making that diagnosis without being a medical doctor or a psychologist, but from my own experience.
As a man, I’m familiar with phases of completely overheated horniness, where every street is overflowing with the hottest and most desirable women, and other times of total disinterest where you ask yourself how a man could ever find attractive about these short-legged, fat-assed creatures.
Good luck for your life! Maybe you’re interested and talented in spirituality and then asexuality is almost a blessing…
Asexuality from the perspective of a sexual partner
I see it similarly. Being in a relationship without sex is hard for the sexual part. It doesn’t matter whether asexuality, depression or medication have caused the other one’s loss of libido. You’re regularly (as a woman at least every 4 weeks) confronted with the task to deal with your lust on your own because the object of desire isn’t interested in it. You quickly feel left alone with the problem. Compliments, kind words or maybe snuggling in front of the TV simply aren’t the same. Even if it’s meant well, being in bed with a listless partner who shows no initiative, is not fun either.
So if there can never be any sexual contact due to asexuality for example, an important part of the relationship is disturbed and strained. To compensate, it would have to be a nearly perfect match in all other areas. In general, I find it difficult to imagine a purely asexual relationship. What distinguishes that from a close, trusting friendship that goes through all ups and downs? That you don’t ask for exclusivity in others? I know friends who live together and even help each other with financial problems. I, personally can even feel secure with a good friend who will help me when things are crappy. The mentioned butterflies in the stomach, to me, are just a sign of being infatuated and not of love.
the perfect relationship
Fortunately, today there are tree partnerships for vegetarians
and not just gray ones, but also in voluptuous green shades
add a little oxytocine and every fir branch provides unforgettable, transcending excesses for each icicle.
Sex doesn’t equal sex
What a cute and funny article! I wholeheartedly wish you that you’ll find all the romance that you want. However, I do have one piece of advice (you can’t know this): For sexual people, it’s actually also “making love” (connection, hormones, perspiring closeness etc.) and when you’re in love, but can’t physically indulge yourself in this intense way, something’s simply missing. Therefore, having sex with people whom you don’t love, wouldn’t be a substitute. But thank God, there is the internet for dating. I wish you good luck!
A little too much fuss
I assume that there are many asexuals.
You can imagine that with some adipose couples, the physical deficiencies make the exchange of bodily fluids unlikely. There, the romantic candlelight dinner ought to be a higher priority than the attempt at a mutual workout.
One thing that the article doesn’t seem to state is to what extent does physicality matter at all and what does he hope to gain from such a relationship.
Not the first time
It isn’t the first time that I’ve read such an article online about this topic. I’m interested in this topic, though I’m not afflicted by it myself. One thing I always find remarkable, and that’s that in all these articles, the afflicted never write whether they’ve had a complete checkup? I mean, hormonal etc. and all the way up to their psyche? I always get the feeling that at some point in life, they’ve resigned to this and that’s just how it is. Under normal, natural conditions, the phenomenon asexuality wouldn’t spread, as, strictly speaking, reproduction shouldn’t be happening, that would pass on these genes. It would just occasionally appear as a genetic defect. How much influence our hormones have, regarding our behavior, cannot be emphasized enough. If certain hormones are missing or the opposite, it can lead to extreme conditions like for example the complete loss of smell or other things. My thesis is that a majority of asexual people aren’t merely asexual but that actually a different physical cause is deluding them to believe in this condition, as this condition isn’t of biological value in regard to the conservation of species.
Those who want to live without sex, have never had good sex.
That’s a pity, but at some point, it can’t be changed or only with difficulty. In the end, this applies: Live and let live. If asexuality happens willingly, society has to tolerate it. On the other hand, asexuals should also tolerate the sexual nuances of other people. THAT’s how simple life can be.
Whether asexuality is genetically predetermined,…
…or acquired through fate or nurture, that’s the question.
In the past, people tried to rid young people of their sexuality (e.g. masturbation) via conveyed feelings of guilt. Today this happens in a similar way, but with people who aren’t interested in sexuality much, whom differ from the “norm” and could be “healed”.
The past’s compulsory uptightness has simply been replaced by today’s compulsory uptightness. Both have compulsion, societal pressure in common that can lead to mental impotence or frigidity.
That is the sad result of the “sexual revolution so that today some “sexual deviants” feel compelled to explain themselves.
I don’t know if it will reassure the article’s author, but he isn’t anything special with his problems, because people whom are interested in sex and sexually active can struggle to find the right partner, too. Because an open and and more or less taboo-free person won’t become comfortable with an uptight person. The problem is how to find out as soon as possible with a potential partner. Because quite often, things aren’t as they look at first glance.
It still should be clarified whether asexuality may really be disguised uptightness, impotence or frigidity. And thus, the inability to signal the (potential) partner their true desires.
I feel bad for you!
I don’t mean this ironically. I honestly pity you, like I pity a deaf person whom will never experience the beauty of Calla’s voice or the melancholy of a Nocturne by Chopin, or a blind person whom can never watch a ballet or a sunset. The only consolation for you and other asexuals is that you don’t know what you’re missing.
If you call an orgasm meager and its foreplay boring, it could have been with the wrong partner, which you probably rule out on principle. It would be interesting to learn whether this sexual disorder affects more men or women?
An orgasm and the mutual game of giving and enjoyment to the orgasm, is one of the most beautiful and intensive things that you can experience in a human relationship. It’s like a pas de deux at dancing that improves the more intensive and the more intimate both dancers can give themselves to each other and become one in the dance. It depends on the partner’s skill to emotionally and physically empathize with the other person. That requires trust.
Maybe you lack this skill of physical interpersonal communication? What a pity for you!
[Comment by the editor about the use of autism as a metaphor and speculations on people’s thoughts and feelings, which they have removed both.]
Need more info on asexuality? I have a book out. Buy or borrow a copy of The Invisible Orientation: http://juliesondradecker.com/?page_id…
Want to know more about why these statements/questions are inappropriate? Read the info sheet with explanations:
If we come out to you, we probably don’t mind discussing our orientation, but pretty much anything recited in this video is probably a bad idea to say to us. . . . Don’t be afraid to talk to us or ask questions, but sometimes on the sensitive topics, you might be better off doing your own research. You may also like these for further reading/watching:
“How to Be an Asexual Ally,” my article:
Asexual Bingo (my video of much more offensive quotes): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncoHJo…
The Asexual Visibility and Education Network:
Thank you to my collaborators Nick, Axx, Kathryn, 65dgs, TungstenEdge, ampersandstringquartet, Dallas, Ace Amoeba, Chel, Rynn, Michael, CocoaPanda, Muffin, Sara Beth, and Raingoddess2040.
Is there anything you’re sick of hearing? Let me know in the comments! And feel free to follow me at:
This is #15 of a series in which I read correspondence between me and people who have questions, comments, or–more often–misconceptions about asexuality.
This one covers a question we sometimes get from a vocal minority in the queer community claiming asexual people absolutely do not have problems worth discussing because the very worst thing we ever experience is “hurt feelings” over people not acknowledging our orientation.
Here are the citations and links for everything mentioned in the video.
Siggy’s Breakdown of asexual queerness (orientation and gender identity):
My appearance at Creating Change (where I was invited to discuss asexuality at an LGBT conference):
My interview in the Gay Voices section of the Huffington Post:
The numbered list backups:
1. JOB AND HOUSING DENIAL:
* The study documenting asexual discrimination: “Intergroup Bias toward ‘Group X’: Evidence of prejudice, dehumanization, avoidance, and discrimination against asexuals”
* An anecdotal account of possibly being fired for asexuality:
* A follow-up to this story by the same person:
2. ADOPTION DENIAL:
* Discussed in Olivier Cormier-Otaño’s lecture, wherein he mentioned asexual couples getting denied adoption because “If you’re asexual, you’re not fit to be married.”
3. CONSUMMATION LAWS:
* These may change, but as of the creation of this video, the states requiring consummation for a marriage to be legal are here:
* For laws regarding consummation as it refers to a couple that includes one immigrant, please see this document:
4. ANTI-DISCRIMINATION LAW:
* In New York, SONDA, the Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act, mentions asexuality as one of the sexual orientations that cannot be discriminated against legally.
* In Vermont, asexuality is included in a “protected category” list under “sexual orientation”:
* The proposed legislation in Texas that names asexuality as a protected class is reported on in a news article here:
* The law paper by Elizabeth Emens, accepted by Standford Law Review, which thoroughly examines how asexual people live in a prejudicial environment and how that works out legally, is entitled “Compulsory Sexuality.”
5. “CORRECTIVE” RAPE:
* Huffington Post discussed “corrective” rape and how it’s hurting the asexual community here:
Here is a Tumblr thread where another user and I discuss rape threats:
* You can see some of the rape threats I have received here:
* And you can read about my experience with a man forcing himself on me after I told him I wasn’t interested here:
6. POOR REPRESENTATION IN MEDIA:
* Godiva’s is a Canadian show that is canceled. It featured an asexual heteroromantic man, Martin. He was “fixed” with testosterone supplements.
* Huge is an American show that is canceled. It had an asexual aromantic woman, Poppy, in a minor role. She mentioned her asexuality once during a discussion with a fellow camp counselor and it was never mentioned again.
* Shortland Street is a New Zealand show that is still going on as of this writing. It featured an asexual biromantic man, Gerald. His asexuality is examined deeply throughout the series.
The bad House episode is called “Better Half”:
7. MISDIAGNOSIS WITH A MENTAL DISORDER:
* DSM definition of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder:
8. DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE:
* The Trevor Project: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
* Materials created by AAW for the Trevor Project’s volunteers: