Category: Being sexualized

“Ich bin asexuell”: Was das wirklich bedeutet – und was nicht

Translation: “I am asexual”: What that really means – and what not

The following comments were made on an article about asexuality.

You can read the whole article here.


Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s right and good to have places to go to if it’s obvious that your own sexuality isn’t “common”, thus, as developed as in others. Especially during adolescence,  you compare and are uncertain and have to find your way. I just don’t understand the motivation to have to come out. If you have a romantic homosexual relationship, you’ll be (hopefully not) discriminated against by homophobes at the most, but it doesn’t matter to the public AT ALL if and how you have sex. That’s only important for yourself.

The coming out and wanting to educate, in my opinion is exhibitionistic. Look at me, I’m different, acknowledge me. That is the message. But most people couldn’t care less if, how and how often you have sex and how you experience it.


“We are absolutely a sexual minority, because sexuality doesn’t mean that you have sex.”

sexuality means at least that you have a sexual (that is: carnal) interest. That’s why it’s called SEXuality, not attractionality.

asexuality is the lack of sexuality and sexual interest. That’s why it’s not a sexual orientation. or simply put: bald is not a hair style.

hairstyle is a construct of hair and not possible without hair.

if you don’t find it fitting for yourself, you should not use the term asexual for yourself.

or do you have a compelling reason wanting to be a “sexual” minority?


“When people ask me today … how I personally experience sex”

Weird, no one asks me that. No one cares. I wouldn’t give out that kind of info either, because I don’t feel the tiniest need to make intimate matters “visible”.

That asexuals take part in the CSD, seems bizarre to me. It’s like a bald person attending a hairstyle competition. No sexuality isn’t a “different” sexuality, but simply none.


Hm… I have trouble understanding your need to come out. As Sany has already said, who even asks something like that? And why is it relevant? In my group of acquaintances, we never ask how often and how much sex someone has and what types (alone, as a twosome or with multiple people) you practice. Or whether someone doesn’t have any interest in sex. I have several coworkers who have been single for apparently forever. But I would never ask them if they are asexual. I wouldn’t know anything about those kind of discussions either.

With homosexual acquaintances, it’s a different level. If you want to live free and open, you’ll also want to show your partner, your way of living. Or one coworker who came out as a woman last year. There it’s more about the societal aspect of acceptance. Whether my acquaintances actually have real sex or whether they just snuggle “romantically”, is none of my business. I find it a little blatant.


At some point I’m overwhelmed by all these sexual preferences that you have to come out as. Asexual, aromantic, biromantic but asexual, alone, with multiple people, with different utensils, only in a certain surrounding, … Please don’t misunderstand me. But I agree with Corra. When someone comes out as their sexual orientation, so that he doesn’t have to hide with everything that’s socially a part of a relationship, then that’s right and important for his life. But I don’t want to know what everyone is doing in bed, if you e.g. only experience lust on your own or live in an asexual relationship with a partner. That’s something I’d tell one very good friend at the most. But not in a booth in a pedestrian area. In comparison: I know a coworker’s long-term partner. No big deal. But we don’t tell each other what we each experience in bed. So much for the social relevance of an orientation. ???


@thanks  KlingtKomisch

I’ve had a good laugh when I continued to read this thread and found a sexual minority in the nonsexual one.

What is that supposed to be? If I don’t drive a car or don’t watch TV, I’d say I won’t care about these topics.

If I don’t care about sex, what am I doing at a demonstration that plays with the manifestation of lived sexuality, if I don’t have anything to play an am not interested in it?

Things are starting to get crazy!

AL POSTO DEL CUORE  (The asexual part begins after 10 minutes)

“There’s a thing we must say no firmly”
“If they didn’t censore me, go plug your children’s ears. I’m going to say it… Asexuals”
“What’s this? The ones who, despite summer, warmth, sun and sunsets, don’t have sex because they are single because it’s a bad moment, aren’t them?”
“It’s even worse! These persons aren’t interested in sex, they’ve completely ousted it from their lives and they claim it as a strong life choice”
“Where will we end? Do you realize it?”
“Is it a religious choice? Their religion doesn’t let them having sex?”
“No, they follow their nature”
“Do they really exist? Are there asexual men, too?”
“Dramatically, yes”
“What? There are males that aren’t interested in having sex?”
“Incredible, but true”
“I don’t believe it, ew”
“According to recent studies the 1% of the population has this disease, in 100 people one is asexual. They’re ill. Ew”
“It’s a movement that have always existed but recently these weird people – because they’re weird – reunited them in an international movement with the name of asexual and they claim their life choice without any shame. OMG, I’m still shocked. Ew”
“Who do they claim their choice to? If I make a choice, it’s my choice. I don’t tell the whole universe that I don’t make sex because… No, who cares?”
“Instead they don’t do it as a form of reaction to modern society in which we’re bombarded by sexual contents…”
“I was thinking. Are they living better than us? I mean, they don’t have distractions, women don’t have to wax, no complications…”
“I beg you to shut up, Paola, you’re talking like an asexual, ew. Because they say that their condition of I-L-L-N-E-S-S is a great freedom because they have more time to dedicate to the things that truly matter for them”
“Good news: asexuals surely don’t reproduce, so luckily they’re a dying breed”
“What a relief!”

Submitted and translated by “L’afobia esiste” @stop.afobia_ita